Several years ago, the International Seven-day Retreat in Costa Rica left me with profound impressions. It also gave me a deeper understanding of the physical Master and Master's transformation body.

Several fellow initiates arrived in Costa Rica a day early. That evening, Master especially spent time with us, chatting and drinking tea, and the atmosphere was very harmonious. However, the next day, upon the arrival of the Formosan initiates, Master began to scold us severely, to the point that all the Chinese initiates were not allowed to meditate in the meditation hall during the Seven-day Retreat; we could only stay in our tents. Although at the time I knew intellectually that Master must have had Her reasons for doing so, and that it was to cleanse our karma, I had doubts in my mind about the physical Master, "Shouldn't the physical Master and the inner Master be equally perfect? Why is the physical Master so crossed?"

During the seven days, we made a great deal of progress. I was not aware of it at the time, but it was due to the fact that we had been reprimanded severely. As soon as the retreat was over, I packed and went home immediately. Because of my doubt in the physical Master, my spiritual practice began to backslide. During that period of time, I was extremely miserable, I felt empty inside, and I did not meditate as diligently as before. Because of the separation I felt between myself and Master, I had blocked out Her blessing. However, when I came in touch with anything related to Master, tears would fall involuntarily, and I was constantly praying in my heart for Her early return to Formosa.

Afterward, I heard other fellow initiates say that Master cooked fruit punch to treat the Formosan initiates the day after the retreat. She told them that they had come a long way from Formosa, and She wanted to treat them well; however, they were not completely sincere, and their purpose in attending the retreat was not pure. I later learned that some of the disciples that went to the retreat had given up the vegetarian diet and had not kept the precepts clearly. No wonder Master was so severe with us. It was like the tranquil surface of a lake -- unless you throw in a large rock, how can you stir up the sand and gravel resting at the bottom?

Master once said that sometimes She asked Herself why She scolded people for no apparent reason. She did not even know why until the disciple admitted later that he really wanted to be scolded by Master that day. Therefore, it might appear on the surface that the physical Master did the wrong thing, scolded the wrong people, but who can really understand the true reasons behind Her actions?

From this I realized that the physical Master actually has human emotions just like we do, and that there are happy, joyous times and miserable, lonely times. However, for the sake of sentient beings, She can discard all the human emotions anytime. While Master's manifestation body has boundless power, in order to help the sentient beings of this world, She makes great concessions by dwelling in this small body, degrading Her position, and tolerating numerous pressures and sufferings.

After I had thought it through, I found that I had grown. Before, I used to attach myself to the physical Master and loved to cry also. Now I have changed. I no longer cry so much, and I don't cling to Master so tightly anymore. Instead, I feel that the distance between us has grown shorter, that I can better understand Master's love and the great pains She undergoes for us. I am truly grateful for Master's timely and direct warning and guidance, which helped me progress a step further on the spiritual path.

I was still an undergraduate when initiated by Master. Throughout these years, from being an innocent girl unaware of what was going on in the world, I have grown up, joined the working class, and become a wife. These prime years were literally the 'war period' between my good and bad qualities. If I still have some kind and pure qualities today, and escaped the dangerous vortex hidden in society, it is all because Master has never forsaken me. In happiness and glory, or in setback and sadness, She has always walked with me patiently, step-by-step. As the process of my initiation was smooth and unhindered, I did not cherish it. After initiation, except when attending the lectures, I used to set Master aside. In my multifarious time schedule, there was simply no place for spiritual cultivation.

One day, I suddenly looked at Master's poster hanging on the wall. Thinking about my feelings before initiation and the present state I was in, added to my emotional adversities, my tears started to fall uncontrollably. Instantly, I realized that I had missed too much. Embracing Master's books, I cried loudly and could not control myself. I was exclaiming to Master in my heart that I longed to return to Her arms.... Just then the telephone rang. The liaison person notified me that Master was coming to the group meditation in Taipei the next week, and that I could go if I wished to see Her. I cried even more pathetically.... Thanks to Master's love, I had the opportunity of rejoining the spiritual group.

After graduation, I secured a job easily, and began a new life style. However, trials to my spiritual cultivation truly existed everywhere. There were consistent conflicts among us colleagues. Several of our fellow practitioners were working in the same company, and we grew up in the process of 'polishing' each other. After some time, I became silent and spent my efforts in constantly reciting the Five Holy Names. The problems on my mind were poured out to the inner Master only.

One day, the office was bustling with people as usual, and I was concentrating on finding a file. I raised my head and suddenly saw a Buddha watching me with a smile. The golden, crystalline body was extremely beautiful! The blissful and serene brightness filled in the air. This experience let me understand, that whatever happens, Master is always by my side taking care of me, giving me faith when I need Her, so I can carry on with determination.

Later on, I came across another low point in my cultivation. On this occasion, I isolated myself and felt that the whole world had suddenly become my enemy.

At the New Year's Ball Party in Thailand, I saw my long missed Master. I could not help saying to Master in my heart: No one loves me anymore, except You. Do You still love me? Master answered my question with Her song, "I Will Forever Love You!" Looking up at the stage, I could not help crying, ruining the makeup on my face....

At the group meditation the next day, Master talked about 'love and hate,' and the cause of former lives. Finally, I was somewhat enlightened. At the end of the group meditation, Master walked around the venue as everyone bid Her farewell. Suddenly, She doubled back and stopped right in front of me, giving some further instructions to everyone. Just before leaving, Master looked at me deeply and said, "Take good care of yourself."

Now, my life is peaceful and happy. I am doing my best to play well my daily role. Although, not everything turns out as desired, I manage to handle matters as well as I can. The more important point is, Master's love taught me that I must first put my love into action before I can realize the real meaning of love.

If there is any goodness in me, it is all due to Master. If there are still many defects in me, they are exactly what I should be repenting.

Master has always been by my side. When my heart believes in Her and invites Her in, my spiritual path is full of the bliss of spring, the singing birds and the fragrant flowers. When no place is reserved in my heart for Master, the god of winter instantly freezes all life. Then, only Master remains by my side, using all sorts of methods to see me through the severe winter.

Master, it is really hard on You....