An Unforgettable Night

After encountering Master Ching Hai's teachings, I began a vegetarian diet in preparation for initiation. I received a phone call telling me that the Master would be in Chicago in February, and asking if I would be interested in seeing Her there, and receiving initiation. Of course, I was.

I had spent a few months reading Her lectures, viewing Her videos and talking with Her disciples, and had gotten the impression that initiation would be a matter of dramatic fireworks displays inside my head, rip-roaring sound-tracks of thunder, symphonies, and who-knows-what-else, and perhaps a visit to some distant and hitherto unknown world. I was ready for a phantasmagoria... a "magical mystery tour" that would be light-years from anything that I could imagine.

On the day of initiation I could hardly contain myself inside my skin. As I followed the instructions we were given, I braced myself for my long-expected blast from the supernatural world. Nothing happened. Or at least that's what I thought. My eyes carefully scanned the blackness behind my closed eyelids, but to no avail. I listened intently, and told myself that the sound inside my head was from outside. I was devastated. I felt hurt, angry and betrayed. Was this just another of the many scams that I had been subjected to in my lifelong search for enlightenment?

We were told that Master Ching Hai would visit us the following evening. I do not easily express myself in public, and it took all of my courage. When the time came for questions, I had to move quickly and decisively to circumvent my own fear. I sprinted to the center of the room and got as close to Her as I could. I informed Her simply that I had not experienced any light or sound during initiation. She suggested that I was too excited and had "missed the point". I was delighted when She told me to meet Her after the lecture. When I entered Master's room, I heard laughter, and Her voice chatting in Chinese. The light in the room was a soft gold. She was still in the long flowing gown which She had worn during the lecture, with an Arabian-style veil covering Her lower face. I sat on the floor directly in front of Her. I think I must have violated some appropriate etiquette, but She didn't seem to mind.

Master offered me some candy. As I started to describe my own troubles, my eyes filled with tears. She leaned forward and said kindly, "It's okay to cry." She handed me a tissue She had been holding, and I looked into Her eyes. I will never forget those beautiful, penetrating eyes over Her veil, and the sweet smile beneath it.

Master's voice was so full of love and gentleness that I felt like a two-year old child in Her presence. As I was expressing my somewhat jaded outlook on life, She asked me in the sweetest, gentlest, most innocent tone imaginable, "Do you think that I am dishonest?" There is no way on earth that I could possibly entertain such a notion, having seen Her, and heard Her speak. Upon hearing this question, I immediately turned back to Her lovely eyes with an emphatic "No". I was rewarded with more of the same indescribable outpouring of love in Her eyes and smile.

Master told me repeatedly "Relax!" "Don't work so hard..." "Take it easy...", etc. I realized later that I had also some flickering lights, when I was doing the Convenient Method. She also informed me that the sound which I heard at the time of initiation was happening inside my head, not overhead. Then I realized that I tried very hard not to be naive; not to be "taken in", and restricted myself in contacting my inner wisdom. Perhaps, rather than gaining objectivity, I sometimes lost it this way.

I was happily reduced to a small child in Her presence. Before I left Master offered me a carnation from a flower arrangement nearby. It was beautiful, and it was a gift that I could always keep. Her voice, Her eyes, Her smile were all gifts, which represented Her infinite love, as though to a child. Thank You, Master. Many years from now, when I have been practicing the Quan Yin Method for a long time, I will still remember how You nurtured and welcomed me, when I was Your "hyper" little fledgling.